The Storm Before the Calm

I think about this a lot in my parenting – how plateaus fall right before a big step forward. My go-to bible when my babies were tiny was the wonderful book ‘The Wonder Weeks’ – which is not at all a book about parenting (yay!) but a book about understanding baby development.

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Your Children are not your Children

We can really rush this process if we want to. Force independence before our children are ready – and of course all children are different. Some are lone wolves from the moment they leave the womb, then there are those who are happiest in your arms well into late childhood.

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Sorry Not Sorry

When I was growing up, misdemeanours were immediately rectified with a parroted “Sorrrrrrry”, while we glared at each other. More serious misdemeanours involved a trip to the naughty corner, whereafter we’d meet, hands out, and recite “Make friends, make friends, never never break friends, if you do you’ll catch the flu and that will be the end of you”.

It worked. My sister is still my best friend (and I’m terrified to break that in case I actually die.)

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(Pause)

Even if we don’t have a designated spot for a business card holder (or, in fact, a business card holder), we can start to treat the objects in our lives with care. Marie Kondo treats her plant with more respect than I see actual human beings treat other actual human beings on the Tube.

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All I Want for Christmas is....Me

But whatever happens, you can never really shake that feeling of no longer being a ‘me’, can you? There’s always a part of you that remembers what it felt like to carry another being in your body, that knows you’re always now an ‘us’. And getting back to running, or reading, or whatever it might be; getting ‘me-time’, whatever that means to you – you can’t ever get back to the person you were before.

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The Negative Loop

In my mind, the only way to break the negative loop is to kill it with kindness. To do whatever you need to do to get yourself back in problem solving (rather than a problem seeing) frame of mind. For me, that usually involves taking a moment to really look at my kids, which reminds me how small they are and that they’re not giving me a hard time, they’re having a hard time.

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