When Will I, Will I be Famous?

…this is where the comparison, which just taps away in the background, can start to become a bit dangerous. There are two sides to this- what we see and what we present. Even if you just lurk, seeing the heavily curated feeds of others’ lives can leave us feeling inadequate and anxious. How many times have you found yourself buying something just because you saw it on Instagram? Just like in magazines, social media can sell us the myth that we, too, can have this life if we were only to buy this product. And, if you don’t, and suddenly see that everyone else managed to get that Marks & Spencer dress then you can begin to feel inadequate and out of the loop.

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The Storm Before the Calm

I think about this a lot in my parenting – how plateaus fall right before a big step forward. My go-to bible when my babies were tiny was the wonderful book ‘The Wonder Weeks’ – which is not at all a book about parenting (yay!) but a book about understanding baby development.

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Nurturing the Nurturer

But what about that bad little girl or boy in you? They’re not able to stand up to that voice, so they might need a bit of help. If you really focus in on that little girl or boy feeling that sits within you, maybe tuning in to a memory, a time you remember feeling so misunderstood, bad, ashamed….Who could have helped you then? Who could have rescued you from that feeling? What did you need?

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The Afterbirth

The trouble is, traumatic memories have a habit of jumping up and biting us on the bum just when we’re least expecting them. Even when any physical damage has healed, the psychological wounds remain as raw as ever. They could be as obvious as nightmares, or as subtle as a feeling of guilt when you look at your child. They could reappear as feeling sick when you catch a certain smell, or bursting into floods of tears at hearing about someone else’s birth.  But, because they are so raw and mixed up, it can feel easier to push them away again and try and forget about them.

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The Bubble

Entering into motherhood can feel a lot like being ripped in two – between the individual that you once were and the mother you are growing into.  You might feel completely obsessed with your new baby, but unable to talk about it because it feels so unusual. Or you might be panic stricken at the enormous sense of responsibility you now hold. From having been a well functioning member of society, suddenly your universe revolves around a miniscule bundle, the sofa and bed.

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